Butterfly Wings

Go home and write

a page tonight.

And let that page come out of you-

Then, it will be true.

My name, Greek meaning butterfly

My childhood interest, butterflies

My name, simply an overlying umbrella sly

My childhood interest, spread much wider before my eyes

The allure of the butterfly wings enchanting

Its vivid colors vibrant and alluring

The complexity and simplicity so intriguing

Its frail frame and delicate grace flitting

Much like them, I’ve come to realize our selves follow

In complexity yet simplicity, vibrant yet delicate still

I grow observing the nature of nature unfold from depths and shallows

And know that I, like many more, make of myself what I will

I flutter through the crowds of people, watching, listening, and being

From all the experience, observation, emotion, and secret

Told in confidence and kept in confidence can truth and reality ring

For us to learn as I have, to learn from mistakes, but neither fret nor regret

From my position as a butterfly on the wall and amongst the fields

Of people with their gossip, drama, and troubles

Of nature with its placid differences, yet a parallel which it wields

Of silence with myself, reflecting in the serenity and anxiety that doubles

From all that I see, hear, learn, and am told, I intake

All the vivid colors spread through the skies and before my eyes

Sheltered under my sly umbrella, these are what I shall undertake

Reacting with delight, horror, expectance, and surprise

In the form of all that I do, speak, and create, I partake

Through my actions, art, and words – spoken and written

I build up, create, lose, and find myself for mine and others’ sake

Showing who, where, what, when, and how I was, am, and will have been

The butterfly wings drew me in and hold me there still

But that is only in my mentality and heart for otherwise I wander

Through my mind and body walking and searching for lives to fill

Much like the vivid black upon white butterfly wings of this page yonder

Now Open

Just want to cry it all out

I won’t talk about it

Just want to figure it all out

I won’t simply be here and sit

Why can’t answers come so easily?

When do we finally get to know?

Why must we catalyze this secrecy?

Where does everything fall into flow?

Spent my hours cruel and callous

No sensitivity, no mercy

Snarl and growl, so malicious

No community, no sympathy

Can someone break me out of this agony?

Will emotions wash me clean?

Can I toss the indifference and apathy?

Will trust rebuild the emptiness between?

Now the aura erupts its emanating glory

Color, warmth, and chills waft

Transparency anew tainted from discovery

Taking these for granted was quite daft

But no more putting on a show

Optimism is a blessing and a restriction

Stockpiling bliss before dealing a final blow

But now open and real feeling breach limitation

New Horizon

Endings rarely wanted

Kicked about and put off

Not allowing stops haunted

At them you simply scoff

Better off living in familiar safety

Being constant and forever young

Where you know each and every

Where you can try blocking what stung

But covering up and burying reality

Faking until you yourself believe

Does not work as well as thought out to be

Pretending while your heart grieves

But a new horizon is upon us and spreading

That sun scorching lies is now setting

Halfway to the Start

Always believing the lowest

Trusting the insecurities

Following the negativity

That eats away at the brain

And the mind blanks out to all

Not the paranoia and fear

Of selfish claims and ulterior motives

That nothing is true

And there is naught to be certain

About and be caught by

Once falling face and back down

Blind and vulnerable

Guards and wall won’t ever drop down

And we were at the start

But now we get pushed further

Back to the negatives

Past point zero

Terrified and needing a comfort

Holding on to unsure distrust

Gone in time to a place with no

Trust, hope, or belief in

The good of human kind’s

Heart and pureness

Through the tainted lives

We live day by week

By month and year

Forever and eternity apart

Nothing to do except trust

Nothing to change but everything

Nothing to believe in but reality

But trusting nothing

And changing nothing

And believing only worries

We become infinitely further

From the beginning

The start is miles and centuries lost

And we’re halfway to the start

But we waver yet again

Facing the fresher world

Of dry yellow grass

And shaded eyes

And whispered exchanges

And solitude of self benefit

So the distance close splits

Yet again to another half

And we’re yet another halfway

From the start

Such disbelief and anger

Never subsiding

And wallowing in filled silence

Tense and breakable

Snapping in small pressure

Unable to be anything but incomplete

Relationships slashed

Homes burnt in fury

And frozen in ice

The match of lava and hail

Meeting halfway,

Halfway to the start

White Lies

Can’t believe that I couldn’t see your lies,

Couldn’t tell what was true

Stared me straight in the eyes

And didn’t falter through and through

Your words but a disguise

False care you displayed

You brought upon yourself this demise

How gullible to fall for such a façade

Told yourself it was only a white lie,

Miniscule and unimportant

Thought you were going to try,

But guess I should have caught the hint

One twist of the truth

A small exaggeration

Only an unnoticeable bend

Just putting a bit of a spin on reality

But who you hurt the most wasn’t me,

Though I look back and wonder

Why you chose to deceive

A terrible blunder

In the end, it goes back to you

You lost my trust and belief

I bid you adieu

You aren’t worth my grief

Insanity's Truth

Words from those

In an asylum

Or those held high

In educational ranks

Genius brinks on insanity,

Mentally ill

Or prodigious

Drunken words,

Spoken boldly

And directly

Slurred but true,

The silent words,

Unable to say

While sober

And afraid

Sleep induced words,

While one is in deep slumber

Mumbling phrases

While turning in bed

Quiet whispers,

Difficult to hear

Or to comprehend

Yet true still

The unconscious thoughts

Those in one’s subconscious

Secretly feel

Unknown to even oneself

Told not to believe

Certain words,

Thoughts and phrases,

Yet logically,

When mind has no control,

Words of honesty

Finally are let go