Jail Cell of Memory

You were just some boy

I didn’t even know your existence

I didn’t even know your name

Then you spoke to me

A single goodbye

And you had my brain entangled

I had to know more

I had to satiate my curiosity

I didn’t know what I was getting

            myself into

            my heart into

            my emotions into

            my life into

Except that I did

I knew

you were that boy

you would have your life

you would have admirers

you would have your flaws

you would make me forget – or, rather, not care

you would break my heart

you would one day leave, be gone, be free

A final goodbye

            just as it started, it would end

            you with your singular line – your single goodbye

            and I would be caught off guard

Stunned

            into silence

            heart pierced

mind racing, wondering, curious

by need, to be satiated

without a response to sustain moment

And eventually, you have been erased

– removed, except not really

And that goodbye, that forgetting

            is the best and worst moment of my life

Because I cannot deal with all the pain and tears

            that you caused me

            that I brought upon myself in my paranoia, my silence, my presence by your presence

Glad to be away from it all,

            Yet I want to be back again

Glad to know I’ll still have you in my brain and heart

– memory

yet I want to know why can’t I free you

            from this jail cell within me

                        and why can’t this jail cell let me free?

Locking up these emotions and thoughts and memories

            is the best and the worst for me

                        it was and is the death and life of you and me

                                    and of you

and of I

Smile For the Camera

A snapshot perfect memory
So-called candid imagery
Stopped mid-way, poses set
Sometimes real, sometimes fake
But always forever kept
In times, for the camera, we make

Lingering Shadows

The past,

Reoccurring and repetitive

A sense of no control

As history repeats itself,

An endless cycle,

Continuously

Falling deep into an eternal pit

Memories irk and trouble the mind

Like a shadow

Consistently trailing behind

Lingering close by

Never able to be shaken off

Never learning fully from the past

Remembering what was then

Reminiscing about what could have been

Yet unable to fix the problem

Wanting to change

Wishing for difference

To put a stop to the never ending sequence

Thoughts flash by

Years before

Actions past

The former you

A part of you forever

Part of your being

Your soul

Your heart

Your mind

Grasping and latching on,

Haunting you

Never able to fully let go

But one needs to learn

Then move on

The past has gone

But always able to resurface

So discover and be prepared

Do not let your nightmares of the past

Haunt the days of your present

And affect the times of your future

Heartstrung (song in progress)

Although you’re no longer by my side

Although we each take our separate ways

Although both take our different rides

Although we’re split in where we shall stay

The two of us, inseparable

The both of us, connected, one soul

The pair of us, twins, identical

The differences, forever condole

Pulling on heartstrings as we depart

Bawling and crying our waterfalls

Held together strong in our hearts

Through our weakened states, standing tall

And we are heartstrung

Bound tight in this song

And we are heartstrung

Flowing with the tears

Each and every step of every day

Turning to my side to discover

Not walking alongside there to convey

That the sight brought upon you shivers

No laughter, no tears, no sharing thoughts

Farewell the midnight phone calls and texts

No guilty ice cream after we fought

Goodbye to giggling over what’s next

Pulling on heartstrings as we depart

Bawling and crying our waterfalls

Held together strong in our hearts

Through our weakened states, standing tall

And we are heartstrung

Bound tight in this song

And we are heartstrung

Flowing with the tears

Days drag on, only seconds gone by

Remembering all the times we’ve shared

The prank calls, oh how clever, how sly

The playground games, running in our pairs

And we are heartstrung

Bound tight in this song

And we are heartstrung

Flowing with the tears

And in our newer lives apart

Know I am a phone call away

And closer, residing in your heart

Any distance can’t cause our bond’s fray

Stronger than any ocean’s power

Nothing brings about our disarray

Picking up on our school days’ chatter

As if it were simply yesterday

And we are heartstrung

Bound tight in this song

And we are heartstrung

Flowing with the tears

And we are heartstrung

Tighter than this song

And we are heartstrung

Always both along