You
were just some boy
I
didn’t even know your existence
I
didn’t even know your name
Then
you spoke to me
A
single goodbye
And
you had my brain entangled
I
had to know more
I
had to satiate my curiosity
I
didn’t know what I was getting
myself into
my heart into
my emotions into
my life into
Except
that I did
I
knew
you
were that boy
you
would have your life
you
would have admirers
you
would have your flaws
you
would make me forget – or, rather, not care
you
would break my heart
you
would one day leave, be gone, be free
A
final goodbye
just as it started, it would end
you with your singular line – your
single goodbye
and I would be caught off guard
Stunned
into silence
heart pierced
mind
racing, wondering, curious
by
need, to be satiated
without
a response to sustain moment
And
eventually, you have been erased
–
removed, except not really
And
that goodbye, that forgetting
is the best and worst moment of my
life
Because
I cannot deal with all the pain and tears
that you caused me
that I brought upon myself in my
paranoia, my silence, my presence by your presence
Glad
to be away from it all,
Yet I want to be back again
Glad
to know I’ll still have you in my brain and heart
–
memory
yet
I want to know why can’t I free you
from this jail cell within me
and why can’t this jail
cell let me free?
Locking
up these emotions and thoughts and memories
is the best and the worst for me
it was and is the death
and life of you and me
and of you
and of I
